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Things I Have Learned About Dating
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Here are 35 things I have learned (or think I have learned) about dating and
relationships, one for each year I have been alive (in no particular
order).
1. Wanting to always be right is a lousy strategy in dating and
in life in general.
2. Fear is behind so many of the mistakes we
make.
3. Things are often unclear at the end of a first date, even if
both people like each other.
4. Anyone who expects you to be a mind
reader much of the time is probably not the best choice of romantic
partners.
5. Talking a lot about former relationships on a first date
is rarely a good sign.
6. Assumptions are a royal path to
hell.
7. Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean it was a
"failure."
8. Pay close attention
9. Delay final
judgments
10. Just because you get along well doesn't mean you're a
great match.
11. Just because you have a lot in common doesn't mean
you're a great match.
12. Be willing to break your own
rules.
13. A little kindness goes a long way.
14. Whenever you
start making negative generalizations about the entire group of folks in your
dating pool, it's time to take a step back and maybe a break.
15. Too
much optimism is foolish; not enough optimism is also foolish.
16. Way
too many of us are unrealistic about love and romance, and then wonder why
we're so despondent about it all.
17. Being single is absolutely
fine.
18. You often attract what you are, in some way, doing in your
own life.
19. There is no magic formula. For any of it.
20. It's
best to maintain silence on Facebook and other social media about current
dating experiences, positive or negative.
21. It's best to also
maintain the same silence about specific problems occurring in a long term
relationship. Save that kind of stuff for face to face conversations with
friends and family.
22. Arguments often start over the stupidest
things.
23. Whatever stupid thing you're arguing about is almost always
not the real issue.
24. Having sex with someone always changes things,
even if those changes are for the better.
25. Most of us aren't good at
rejecting others.
26. Avoiding conflict almost always leads to more
conflict.
27. Don't deliberately try to change your partner.
28.
Don't date people who treat you like a rehab project.
29. Learning how
to be honest about what you are feeling and experiencing without leaping to
judgment of the other is perhaps the most important relationship skill to
develop.
30. If pop culture is the biggest influence on how you view
and approach relationships, you're in major, major trouble.
31. Being
passive and expecting someone to just appear in your life and do all the work
to get a relationship going is a really stupid approach to dating.
32.
Adults need to remember that we aren't in high school anymore. Some of us
haven't been there for a hell of a long time, but somehow continue to act like
they never left.
33. Replace "high school" with "college" in number
32.
34. Let go of your definitions of love and learn to actually do it,
with the actual person you are with.
35. Whatever you do, stop taking
yourself so seriously.